Lizard King Sightings

The Lizard King disappeared when he went into exile, but he is cunning. He walks here and there, they say, as a reptile hooded and cloaked. Here are the reports of people — like you — who have seen him.

Your Stories

  • "A hooded scaly figure keyed my car in the parking lot of an abandoned Discovery Zone. Don't ask why I was there, that is private."

    James, Mentone CA

  • "We made out at Stagecoach. That tongue though..." :P

    - Patricia, Austin TX

  • "I caught the Lizard King urinating in a municipal pool."

    - Donna, Bemidji MN

  • “I was at a movie and someone kept hissing at the screen. I went up to ask them to stop and it was the Lizard King. He made fun of my bangs."

    - Brittany, Los Angeles

  • "Kicked my dog."

    - Fred, Oxnard

  • “I saw him at an IHOP. He threw a pancake at me and then dined and dashed.”

    - Oscar, New Jersey

  • "If lizardfolk are real — a fact I cannot confirm — I confess to observing one while on sabbatical in Joshua Tree. He stood clothed in white raiment, tall and powerful, and lo! Even as I gazed, a ring of white stars seemed to glow over his brow, like a crown of old. I was on mushrooms."

    - Lance, St. George

  • "I saw a lizard at the zoo but it was probably a regular lizard and not a lizard king."

    - Rupert, San Diego CA

  • "I was on a geological expedition on the banks of the Amazon when we came upon a tributary leading to a dark lagoon. We steered into it and lost several shipmates to a creature there. It was scaled, lizard-like, and wore a baja hoodie."

    - Kay, Brazil

  • "A woman from my apartment building works in a high-security government laboratory. She brought home a humanoid amphibious creature and told me she and the reptilian were in love. After a couple days, he skipped town. He stole 47 US Dollars and one of those old Microsoft mp3 players that never really caught on. I think it's called a Zune."

    Giles, Baltimore MD

  • "ßkwwlph, sstrlpx lßrø slurp phssssisus Lizard King ssttylkck."

    - Jeremy, New Brunswick

  • "Myself and 13 companions traveled east to win back our ancestral home, invaded and despoiled by a great dragon. Upon entering the lowest hall of the mountain hold, we beheld no dragon, but a dragon-like man. We chased him off, but he had been tagging everywhere and it took ages to scrub off."

    - Óin, Erebor

  • "My friend Chihiro saved what she thought was a river dragon from a witch's curse. The "dragon" tied her shoes together and told her to get lost."

    - Lin, Japan

  • "Prince Philip was a lizard. They all are."

    - Anonymous

  • "I don't know about a Lizard King, but I keep getting $100 wine vouchers in the mail for somebody named ßkaalth. Those things are such a scam. You have to buy more wine than you'd ever want in your life just to get the discount. What am I? A priest?"

    - Svitlana, San Luis Obispo

  • "Something hisses wildly beneath my porch."

    Hillary, North Dakota

  • "We talk on the phone. He considers me a close friend, a confidant. Frankly I'm, like, one of his advisors pretty much. I can do an interview if you want. Exclusive."

    - Cindy, Colorado Springs

  • "I've been reading all these. Are there really that many sightings??? He definitely crashed my wedding. We found skin sheddings and vape cartridges in the bathroom."

    - Anna, Ukraine

  • "WE BUY JUNK CARS. (767) 555-8142"

    - Darnell’s Do It Yourself Garage

  • I saw the Lizard King at the beach on 4th of July weekend! We were in the water and this little boy's yellow raft splashed down and red blood went everywhere, we thought it was. It was ketchup. The kid said an alien dumped it on his raft and laughed like a jerk.

    Lorraine, Amity