Purge of Learning
teachers and students fleeing from a burning school in Kansas City, Missouri
Endless Summer (by hopeful youths)
Other names
“Oh my god. Oh my god, schools.”
- a college professor
The Purge of Learning was the Lizard King’s effort to destroy all human higher education. All colleges and universities were destroyed across the globe. Several collages were also destroyed due to misunderstandings.
Background
No one knows exactly why the Lizard King wanted to destroy schools. There is an urban legend that he got thrown out of a college party before the Lizard Apocalypse for “being a huge douche,” and became embittered against education as a result. Another popular theory is that he saw The Purge and wanted to purge something for himself, but put his own new spin on it. This is called the “Urge to Purge” theory.
Events
Shortly after taking over the world, the Lizard King announced that school was “bad,” without further explanation. 6 months later he was walking through one of his Temple de Reptilia summer homes and reportedly said, “Oh my shit, I forgot to burn down all those f*cking schools.”
The Lizard King and his warriors began to destroy all universities and colleges in the world. A couple American universities escaped the purge for a while by claiming to have already been destroyed “in the spiritual sense” by losing their WASC accreditation. But the Lizard King wised up in the end and they were demolished as well.
The Lizard King’s armies burnt most of the schools, but a few were torn down by the wyvern sons. Pasadena City College was notably spared, but only because it had already turned into Pasadena City College of the Dead.
Vanguard University of Southern California was about to be burnt down when the entire campus suddenly vanished into a giant sinkhole. Scientists have not been able to explain this, but in the words of psychedelic prog rock lizard band Sweet Summer Gecko, that’s the apocalypse, baby.
Film Portrayal
The Lizard King himself planned to make a propaganda film about the events, and secured film rights, but went into self-exile before pulling the trigger. Although he claims to be a different person after receiving Christ, everyone is still afraid of stepping on his toes. Thus, no one dares make a film about the events.
Some film students considering doing it anyway, but gave it up when they couldn’t call it The Endless Summer, because there’s already a pretty famous movie by that name. Those film students later went on to attempt a documentary about the Grand Shellac Course, but met great tragedy.