Temple de Reptilia
John Martin’s 1821 painting Belshazzar’s Feast was the model for the Temple de Reptilia in Boulder, Colorado
the Big House
Other names
“Oh, the places you’ll go!
- Dr. Seuss
The Temple de Reptilia is the name of multiple palatial fortresses and homes of the Lizard King, his emissaries and warlords, and his prisoners.
After the Lizard King went into exile, the temples were purchased by a food conglomerate and turned into a chain of jungle-themed restaurants, which are now in bitter competition with Rainforest Cafe.
Construction and original purpose
Shortly after taking over Earth, the Lizard King forced his slaves around the world to compete to build the best possible home and barracks for himself and his troops. He commanded the slaves to make the structures, “like the Indiana Jones ride, but real.” Under these vague instructions, a wide variety of ancient temple themed structures were built. Though all of them were used by the Lizard King’s patriots, the Lizard King chose as his primary home the location in Scottsdale, Arizona.
Dungeon & Botanical Gardens
18 of the temples were considered “flagship” locations and included a dungeon and botanical gardens, which was tacked onto the end of the title of those locations. The Lizard King’s own home location was a Temple de Reptilia Dungeon & Botanical Gardens location. These locations included large gardens of plants both native to the are and exotic, as well as extensive dungeons for torturing the Lizard King’s most outspoken critics and prisoners of war. It was at the Scottsdale Dungeon & Botanical Gardens location that the Lizard King held audience with Vampire Mike and offered him a job.
Subsequent restaurant Chain
For months after the Lizard King went into exile, the temples remained empty. Most of the Lizard King’s closest allies left with him, were killed or imprisoned, or went into hiding. Eventually a large food conglomerate put a bid on the 18 flagship locations and transformed them into a restaurant chain, keeping much of the temple motif, but shortening the name of all locations to simply Temple de Reptilia, “for PR reasons.”
The Rainforest Cafe and the Temple de Reptilia have engaged in ruthless competition. Both organizations have employed smear campaigns, corporate espionage and sabotage, and in one instance hiring a horde of man-eating bats to swarm a Rainforest Cafe in Ontario, California.
Indiana Jones Film
Due to the authentic ancient temple aesthetic, the next Indiana Jones film will shoot at one or more of the Temple de Reptilia locations. The upcoming film is to be titled Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Lizard King. Oscar-winning lizard actor ßkwwlth, from the film portrayal of the Human Celebrity Gladiator Games, is set to play “a fictionalized version of the Lizard King, created for the Indiana Jones universe,” as reported by The New New New York Times.