Fungini
cave art of Fungini performing her famous “Vanishing Sporocarp” illusion
Fungini the Fantastic
Other names
volunteerism, philanthropy, pot-limit Omaha hold ‘em
Hobbies
“Hocus pocus fungus focus!”
- Fungini
Fungini, also known as Fungini the Fantastic, is a conscious fungal being and professional stage magician. She has existed since the dawn of time and “will continue existing for as long as [she] enjoy[s] magic: forever!”
Origin and History
Fungini claims to have existed for about 4.5 billion years, and most scholars believe this to be true. Earliest written and oral histories — human, lizard, and otherwise — mention a mushroom woman entertaining at children’s birthday parties. As further evidence, Fungini reads and writes fluently in all known languages, living or dead, as well as several languages previously unheard of before she recalled them. The sheer vastness of her knowledge is one of the strongest testaments to her longevity.
Fungini’s mycelium (her subterranean fungal root structure) exists all over the globe. Thus, Fungini can manifest in humanoid form almost anywhere on the planet. She can even be in two places at once, each form speaking and acting independently of the others, not connected to the ground. Fungini uses this natural ability for her illusions, to great success and aplomb.
Fungini appeared during the Lizard Apocalypse and debuted at one of Vampire Mike’s lavish parties.
Professional Magic Career
Fungini uses her mycelium network to generate mushrooms of many shapes and sizes at will and in the blink of an eye. She claims to have performed for many significant historical figures, including all 170 pharaohs, 10 of the 12 judges from the Hebrew Old Testament, Siddhartha, Ludwig van Beethoven, and Clifford the Big Red Dog, whom she claims is real. More recently, Fungini has performed at Lizard Sundance as well as regular Sundance.
Street magician Reverse Jesus criticized Fungini for “performing physical stunts dressed up as illusions,” as most of her illusions rely on the amazing abilities innate in her unique anatomy. However, since no one else can perform any of her illusions, and even the most knowledgable mycologists cannot explain how she does them, nobody cares. Also, Reverse Jesus is a twat.
One of her most impressive magic tricks is to swallow a mouthful of Doctor Doomlittle’s Extra Spicy Trinidad Butch T Pepper Salsa Dip and Transmission Fluid without keeling over dead.
She is also the only player to achieve a perfect score in co-operative competitive action-adventure informal greeting simulator video game High Five 5000.
Lizard War
Fungini generated many mushroom soldiers in the fight against the Lizard King’s reign. She is not particularly physically strong, but as a highly evolved fungus she is nearly indestructible. Her ability to be in many places at once was instrumental in keeping the Lizard King’s army at bay.
Also, the Lizard King hates mushrooms on his pizza. Fungini commonly sprouted living mushrooms onto his pizzas.
Cobra VS Croc
Fungini has been featured in numerous pieces of Cobra VS Croc street art. She is usually helping one get the better of the other, though she is not consistently on either’s side. Occasionally she is playing a trick on both of them at once while winking at the viewer.
Lifetime Membership to Clawsco
Fungini is the only known holder of a lifetime membership to Clawsco, the non-human version of Costco. The membership includes 50% off all purchases for all time — much to Clawsco’s chagrin. Clawsco repeatedly tried to bog Fungini down in red tape to prevent her from utilizing this discount. She has responded with resilience, intelligence, patience, and a cheery attitude [see main Clawsco article for more information].
Favorite Movie
Fungini’s favorite movie is 2019 documentary Fantastic Fungi. Fungini and documentary subject and mycologist Paul Stamets used to date.