The Goddess Ishtar

ancient Assyrian artwork depicting Ishtar


Queen of Heaven, Inanna

Other names


CrossFit, Xebec

Hobbies


“Queen of Heaven, come to defeat the King of Earth.”

- The Annals of Adam, Robert Lizard Stevenson

Ishtar, also known by the name Inanna in some cultures, is a goddess. She was worshipped widely in ancient Mesopotamia. She arrived on Earth shortly after the Lizard Apocalypse began, and was a leader in the rebellion against the Lizard King’s army.

early life

Ishtar’s origin is unknown, but she was worshipped on Earth possibly as early as 4,000 BC. Original worship practices associated her with love, war, and fertility.

Lizard Apocalypse

6 months after the apocalypse began, a fiery meteorite appeared streaking across the sky above Branson, Missouri, and a meteorite landed in the parking lot of Silver Dollar City Amusement Park. Park employee Cleo Mendez was arriving for her shift at the park at the time, and described the meteorite as “a beautiful grey stone with hints of gold, translucent and lit from within.” Ishtar emerged from the meteorite, skin glowing, and wearing a colorful tunic of high-quality linen. She introduced herself and shook hands with Cleo. Cleo eventually went on to become Ishtar’s personal advisor in the Lizard Wars. The two remain good friends to this day.

Ishtar soon made contact with the rebellion forces and led many battles against the Lizard King’s army. She is an extremely powerful deity. She can emit light from her skin at varying intensities, from a warm glow for reading in bed, to hot laserbeams for warfare. She can also grow in size until she is a giant, towering over even Crab Lord. But at her usual human size, she is quite strong as well, partly due to superhuman strength, and partly due to her dedicated membership at a CrossFit gym.

Ishtar single-handedly defeated the Lizard King’s wyvern sons in a battle on a train.

The Lizard King has actively avoided a direct one-on-one confrontation with Ishtar, for which he has been called “a coward and a scaredy-cat” by the New New York Times.

Religious Response

The arrival of Ishtar on Earth is difficult for the more traditional religious groups to reconcile. Christians especially find it difficult, as the Hebrew Bible condemns the worship of Ishtar. For her part, Ishtar respects people of all religious faiths and backgrounds.

Ishtar is good friends with Clawsco employee and West Virginia cryptid Mothman. While not overtly Christian, Mothman is publicly recognized as God’s son.

Favorite Movie

Ishtar’s favorite movie is Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius.

Cobra Vs Croc

After Ishtar defeated Steve, a Cobra VS Croc graffiti mural appeared on the exterior wall of a coffee shop in Chinatown, Los Angeles. Ishtar, glowing gold with all white eyes, stands crushing the letters “VS” beneath her feet. Her left hand throttles Cobra and her right throttles Croc.

Los Angeles socialite and undead art collector Vampire Mike offered to pay the building owner an exorbitant price for permission to cut off and keep that section of the wall. The owner agreed, but the coffee shop employees were distressed to learn that the art would be taken away. They organized a community fundraiser block party to buy out Vampire Mike. They raised over $20,000, but Vampire Mike’s offer was more than 6 figures. Vampire Mike did not learn of the community’s feelings on the matter until after the deal was made, at which point he regretted buying the piece. He tried to back out of it, but the landlord refused. So Vampire Mike bought the building instead, for an even more exorbitant price. The artwork remains on the building.