Lizard People
Lizard people have been depicted with remarkable accuracy in human artwork throughout the centuries. I saw that guy on the top left at the DMV last week. He said I could use his picture for the website. Super nice guy, great dad.
ßkiilth (lizard tongue name)
Other names
depends on the person
Hobbies
“Lizards aren’t all mean like the Lizard King. There’s good ones and bad ones just like human beings. Just like movies! And jelly beans.”
Lizard people are sentient lizards that walk on their hind legs and talk and eat brunch and need quarters for laundry and stuff. Just like people.
Lizard people are people.
Origin
“…and on the 8th day, the Lord said,
‘Oh my me, I forgot lizard people,’
and then he made them
so quickly.”
- The Annals of Adam, Robert Lizard Stevenson
Lizard people have existed for a long, long time. Fungini, the mushroom woman as old the planet, says they’ve been around “for about as long as I can remember.” Nobody knows exactly how long, but the House of Blindness has written works older than the Epic of Gilgamesh. So, that’s old. Right? Sounds old.
Lizard Apocalypse and Aftermath
When the Lizard King emerged from the Vault of Consequence, he brought with him roughly 2 lizard warriors per single human being. Half of the human population was destroyed in a war that took less than a day, since it was effectively a global surprise attack. The Lizard King began to rule the world and started inviting other lizard people to come live on the surface.
Lizard people were not aware of the war until after it had already taken place, since all of them lived underground, or were in stasis underground. They were surprised to find they could only live on the surface due to a tyrannical monarchy. Many lizard people joined the human rebellion against the Lizard King’s rule alongside Fungini and the goddess Ishtar. The House of Blood Tears, for example rejected ancient family tradition as the Lizard King’s elite fighting force and became some of his strongest opposers. Other lizard people (and other non-humans) indirectly and/or nonviolently resisted his rule, similar to Mothman and Crab Lord.
When the Lizard King and his warriors departed Earth, the remaining Lizard people integrated into surface dwelling life with human beings. Many other creatures, sentient and non-sentient, joined them to live aboveground during or after the Lizard Apocalypse — but lizard people are the most numerous by far.
Personalities, Physical Attributes, and Culture
Lizard people have many different personality traits and physical attributes, just like humans. They come in many different shapes and sizes. They can be any number of colors, from green with a pale yellow belly to red with shiny blue scales. Adults are usually 6-9 feet tall, but even that can very.
Don’t be afraid to get to know a lizard person — you could learn something new!
There is are no lizard nations and only one lizard language, called lizard tongue. There are different dialects, but only the one language, because — according to Fungini, the ancient mushroom woman — what with living underground, they never had a Tower of Babel situation. Culture is as wide and varied, but playing instruments and singing at family gatherings is big. Also Scattergories.
The most popular lizard people sport is carapace. There is also a film festival called Lizard Sundance.
Notable Lizard People
The Lizard King: ßkaalth, AKA Lizard Hitler
ßkwwlth: lizard film actor, who won an Academy Award for his portrayal of Jeff Bezos.
Governor ßkoolth: the first lizard person to be voted into American public office (Governor of the State of New York).
Mr. Green: in an effort to make the board game Clue more inclusive, the playable character Mr. Green was updated with a figurine and character artwork depicting him as a lizard person. This edition of Clue consistently sells out within hours of restock, has spawned fan fiction online, and sells millions of dollars in t-shirts, actions figures, and other merchandise for Hasbro.
Cobra VS Croc: pseudonymous street artists Cobra and Croc are engaged in an ironic, faux territorial dispute over various neighborhoods in East Los Angeles.
Don Iguana: Head of the Iguana crime family in Maine
Sweet Summer Gecko: a psychedelic prog rock band, made up of 3 lizard people and one ghost (of unknown race)
Gary: the guy from the pic at the top of this page. Lovely guy, very funny as well. We’re grabbing breakfast burritos next week.
Robert Lizard Stevenson (?): best-selling author Robert Lizard Stevenson may be a lizard person. Their true identity is not known to the general public.